the blog that gets bizzy
2log
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We try to run a fair points competition here at 2log. And by fair, I mean grossly dishonest, corrupt, and prone to bribery.
But while conducting my routine audit of last week's points competition, I came across something weird. The winner of last week was one Ms. Florence the Diva Horse, a.k.a. Flo Sparkles Divine, a commenter who appeared once about a year ago and never commented since.

But you see, the particular algorithm that calculates the winner of the 2log points competition is something like the Goblet of Fire from Harry Potter. It seems to work by magic, and its word is gospel. In Harry Potter's fourth year, all of Hogwarts was atwitter when the goblet of fire chose Harry Potter as a fourth competitor for the Triwizard Tournament, in clear violation of the rules of the tournament guidelines. In his infinite wisdom, Dumbledore assumed the goblet knew best and allowed the contest to continue with all four, and was ultimately vindicated when the Triwizard Tournament ended with the death of the much-maligned Cedric Diggory (SPOILER ALERT).
Similarly, we may think it odd that the 2log has chosen "Flo Sparkles Divine" to win last week's competition, but we have to accept its wisdom. Thanks to all the 2loggers for your hard work writing entertaining articles for our readership, but roll out the red carpet for this week's reigning champion... that horse.

Filed Under:
tactics
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Expert mixologist Aaron returns with more Oscar-themed cocktails.
| Movie |
Drink |
Ingredients |
Comments |
| Inglorious Basterds |
Ginglorious Basterds |
Gin, Jager, Blood Orange |
German and bloody. |
| Up in the Air |
Up in the Flare |
A shot of sambuca mini, lit on fire |
Clooney's favorite drink meets his job activity. |
| The Blind Side |
The Blind Cider |
Blavod (black vodka), Martinelli's Apple Cider |
The strong/sweet combo of the ingredients mirrors how Quinton Aaron and Sandra Bullock combine for 128 minutes of greatness. |
| District Nine |
District Wine |
South African Stellenbosch Wine, Watermelon, Shrimp (optional) |
One of the top-rated South African wines, with a dash of racism. The optional shrimp reference the derogatory term "prawns" from the movie. |
| An Education |
An Educa-sin |
Pims, Gin, Blue Curacao |
A beverage inspired by Mother Britain. The red, white, and blue ingredients form the colors of the Union Jack. |
| The Hurt Locker |
The Hurt Liquor |
24 oz. Tequila, filled with spiders and apathy |
Not for the faint of heart. |
| Precious |
Preshake |
Milkshake made of bourbon, chocolate ice cream, and bacon |
Bacon makes everything great |
| A Serious Man |
A Serious Drink |
A lukewarm glass of mineral water |
Serve without garnish |
| Up |
Heaven-Up |
Aged Suntory whiskey and Seven-Up |
The stiffness of age meets the sweet effervescence of youth. The bubbles lift away your earthly troubles. |
| Avatar |
Guavatar |
Guava Nectar, Blue Curacao, psilocybin |
Mixed properly, should cause you to see extra dimensions for hours |
Filed Under:
alcohol, film
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Every man remembers his or her first suit.
I was in college, and needed to assemble a suit for an interview in NY.
The coat I stole from the drama department's poorly guarded costume room.
The shirt was a short sleeve collared shirt with the Pepsi logo proudly emblazoned over my left boob. During the interview, I couldn't move my left arm for fear of being exposed as a Pepsi sympathizer.
I recall the pants being sweat pants, or something like it.
I didn't get the job, but I'm still proud. If I could make that look so good, I can make anything look so good.
Filed Under:
fashion, male sexuality, failures at life shouldn't pen memoirs
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Awww... isn't that cute? The Park Slope Courier again has its finger on the pulse of the nabe:

Awww... a raccoon is having babies. Isn't that precious, and clearly worthy of a 125 point headline. I hope the raccoon gave birth before 5 pm. Lemme just unfold it to read the heartwarming details, and YEEEEEEEEEEGADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY REALITY REMAINS ONE OF ABJECT FEAR!!!!!

Kids! How can you smile at a time like this. Sled faster, for you know not what unholy danger lurks behind!
This rabid raccoon is even scarier than that time you had to cross the intersection.
Filed Under:
yellow journalism, dweezil days
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The good ole' US of A may be leading in the Olympic medal count, but the rest of the country is cannonballing into anarchy right now. Yet somehow, the following terrifying stories have failed to make a splash in our collective consciousnesses:
"[I] just drove through Detroit and mistakenly got off the highway to get gas. I pulled into a gas station and there was immediately offered drugs. Then when I said no, I was aggressively asked to "lend" him $100. Then he walked back into the store. Adjusted his pants which is when I saw a gun. I got the fuck out of there pretty quick. The store clerk was just sitting there behind his bullet proof glass looking terrified but I'm pretty sure he couldn't do anything because he'd just get shot. If I had been there a few more seconds I'm pretty sure I would have been shot and/or robbed. After I told some people I got some more stories about how terribly bad it is there. Truckers won't even go into the city anymore. Businessmen are afraid to go to work even when they work downtown. There are murders every day. Seriously, how the fuck does a city like this exist in a western nation?"
One might argue that these stories happened in states on the wrong side of the bell curve, so it's not exactly like we were expecting much of them. But terrifying crap like this is even happening right outside my damn window (EDIT: I can't afford windows).
All this anarchy reinforces my theory that humans aren't noble creatures, but ferocious animals. Sheeple! Surrender your useless illusions about humanity, like "civility" and "progress." We live in an eat what you kill world, and competition has never been more cutthroat. Grab a blade.

Filed Under:
civil war, dweezil days
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What?
The next contest ends in:
2010-03-12 15:00:00 GMT-06:00
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2 + 2 = 5 by Winston Smith
0 points for the week
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2 CDs by DJ Flav
-1.83846567664748e+67 points for the week
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