Did you know the origin of some of your favorite brand names?  I do!

Company	Etymology
	So named because diminuitive founder Jeff Bezos is secretly a seven foot tall female warrior.
	It is the very standard of a modern Meijer general store.
	All male executives have their testes (aka their ManSachs) replaced with nuggets of solid gold.  Female executives have their... sorry, we can't reprint it here, as this is a family 2log.
	Their original business model was shipping poisonous food to your ex-boyfriend so he'd curl up and die.  They experimented with changing their name briefly to "DeadEx.."  They also once spun off Exxon, which arranged for hot petroleum to "accidentally" be spilled over hated ex-boyfriends.  In the 80s they moved to more general field of package delivery.
	British colloqualism.  Roughly translated into English, it means "Well lookee over that hill, here comes, Miffy McGoolin, that dunderheaded tree-killing quack.  Let's say nice things to his face."
	Originally a small family operated factory in Cheesequake, NJ, which manufactured land mines, potash based condiments, and butt plugs.
	In loving memory of John Forbes Kerry.  Once he dies.

Now you know too!  Don't tell anyone >:(

 Driving through New York City the other day, I realized driving in the Big Apple is also a metaphor for living in it.

• It's tough
• You can't actually go very fast or get very far
• Everybody else tries to cut you off to get ahead slightly, which has the net effect of actually slowing everybody
• When you get to your destination you should feel proud but you're actually just exhausted

The solution is to only drive on RAINBOW ROAD!

When Twitter goes down, the only drastic consequence is that a whale appears.  *yawn*

When 2log goes down, the world near end.  Consider this nasty communique I received this morning:

sir bee itches,

u shoul gnu, that I am veery upsetted at the seetch uation ee fiyand myself een, een which u website is not availble.

im meedtyatly this shewld be remdeed. i am shoor u oonderstand the sea itch wation ee find myself in.

gratefly yrs,

HUAH

Excuse me while I cower.

Here's a fun personality test... fill in the blanks:

V _ L V _

If you thought VOLVO, you're a sophisticated free spirit.

If you thought *censored* <SLAP> OW!  You're a sex machine.

If you thought VUVUZELA, you're annoying buzztard who can't spell.

If you thought VALVE, you're weird, but your interests may include hydraulics, the Navier Stokes Equation, and fighting zombies.

If you thought anything else, go away.

I thought valve.

Many thanks to Brooklyn Bike and Board, who cycled straight through my heart this weekend.  Not just for being a swell bunch of bicycle loving chaps, though I certainly appreciate their expertise.  But rather because this past weekend they happened to be playing an album by Flogging Molly, and I instantly recognized this other-worldly collection of beats to be the much needed cure for what ails our land.

You see, in these dire times, the people need to believe in rock once again.  Without a thriving pulse of the counterculture, the people will grow complacent.  Symptomatic of our times, the most spirited rebellion consists of tea partiers too fat and lazy to think up coherent arguments.  We need youthful anger which can only be expressed in headbanging.  Unfortunately, rock music today has been hijacked by preening pretty boys and electro-hip trust fund collegiates.

Enter Flogging Molly.  Hard enough to crack skulls with their sights fixed on revolution.  Possessed of melodies and rhythms to inspire boisterous singing and vigorous dancing.  More intense than the sun's orgasm, yet surprisingly soulful.  Mix folksy and fiery, then douse in Irish whiskey.  Who else can so elegantly blend pop and punk without sounding as inauthentic as, say, Blink-182?

Yes, you doth protest, Flogging Molly has been around since 2002.  Why would 2log be so unusually behind the curve on anything ever?  Ah, well I already thought of that you little scamp.  The news is not that Flogging Molly is good for your ears, but that they are now officially the greatest.  They're officially, bona fide, living legends.  This is their decade, so hop on board or kiss their dust.

A helpful guide for how to properly gender the voice of your non-human characters:

Why, oh, why did Capital One have to corner the market on Vikings in advertisements?  It would have been so much better if Ford had room to run with the slogan "Built Fjord Tough"

Warning!  Do not attempt to pillage island nations with your Ford Escape.  You'll require a bailout... of water from your cabin.

August 5th is International Beer Day.  If you're reading this, you must drink.

 Ladies and Gentleman.  His royal majesty...  

Panick!

For my soul consists predominantly of...

HALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!